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Sunday, August 18, 2013

Hevel

Uncertainty gnaws like cancer
Playing limbo with the questions 
While I stumble through the colored squares
like the Sorry game piece
bumped back to the beginning
more often than moved on.
I know about waiting rooms with magazines 
small stuff living while
the big dreams fester-
I am young.
And God is changing me.

There are lonely moments when
the friendships feel scattered 
like dead leaves crushed 
under light up tennis shoes and
caught up on autumn wind 
to multiplied adventures 
while I'm still here-  
A fragment of color stuck
To rain soaked concrete.  

But I am conflicted.
I want safe danger
I want protected risks
I want stable fluctuations
Spontaneous schedules
Responsible rebellion
Experienced youth
I want sound and silence.
I want the ice to freeze within the fire.   
To fill my lungs past capacity before I exhale. 
I want both gnats and galaxies to devour me whole.
I want it all-
And then I want more
My world cannot exist. 

There are star clusters in the night sky.
Indistinct sparkles glowing mysteries.  
I want to know them like I know my own handwriting.  
But I am just a human pounding 
on the ceiling limitations
banging my forehead 
on the darkness of the dome
feeling the pressure of mutual exclusivity.  
To know about the things I do not know about is maddening
I am drawing drops of water from a dry well
I am speaking my soliloquy to an empty room-
But I am young and
laced with Eden's longings.

Only God is God.
This is the message of 
Ecclesiastes. 

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